where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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