we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
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