I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
