I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just invented taco cereal.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
