So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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