Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
