planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
