I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
