i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
