I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
