Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
