Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
