Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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