we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
