We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
