I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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