i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize