so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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