This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
