how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
