I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We had to coat check the pizza.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
