I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
