I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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