It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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