Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
