We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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