Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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