Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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