i barfeds in our rink
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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