gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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