Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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