He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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