Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
