That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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