so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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