I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you didnt know i had herpes?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
