the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Small penises have feelings too.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
