did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
