I accidentally burped into my bong.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
