and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
