There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just blew my weed a kiss
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
