dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
