My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
His hands were made for my vagina.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
