I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
