do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she smelled like a LAN party
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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