make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
