She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
