a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
