wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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