phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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