I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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