I wish I only lived at night.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
