I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
