break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize
