I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
