I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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