Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
