Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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