Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
