I need help removing her.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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