So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The Olympian is in my bed
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
