yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Bring me that man meat
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
