Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
