she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize