You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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